How to Forgive

Most of us have someone in our life at whom we’re constantly at battle with on the emotional spectrum. We love to hate them, and hate to love these people. But how do you forgive? Forgiveness is a rusty, two-edged blade. We claim to forgive those who betray us by allowing them in our lives, and pretending to forget that which they’ve done. Just to turn around and hurt them in order to numb our own feelings, then remind them of how much they’ve screwed us up. 

Nothing good comes out of this method. Just more pain, more heartache, more animosity and an influence to others who are younger and observant that it’s okay to hurt and be hurt. So what do we do in order to break that dark pattern? How do you exactly forgive? I feel like in order to truly forgive someone, you have to forgive yourself first. This is a very generic quote that more often than not is overlooked, ignored and passed off as decent. 

It’s so much easier to tear someone else who has hurt us apart to the point where we thrive off of it, and it becomes our life force and the foundation of who we are. It’s easier when you aren’t the one who has to collapse on your knees covered in humility. But when we finally decided to face ourselves entirely in our own mental mirror, and subject our own being to this same abuse, is when we can finally heal and forgive others whom we blame for creating this monster from within. 

When you strip yourself down to nothing, and rebuild yourself into something without any instruction, THAT is the process of healing. When the person who was once the lead role in your life repeats their history and you face them without any condescending egotistical self gratification gift wrapped as empathy and feel no pity for yourself is when you truly can say you have forgiven. 

Forgiveness isn’t about projecting our own feelings onto others, or anointing ourselves as noble for it. There is no point in recycling garbage if it’s going to be turned into more garbage. It’s counter intuitive. 

You can move on once you decide you can move on from yourself.